Here's the deal.
Write me a song to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern Major-General". I'll help with the punchline - "I am the very model of a petty German Potentate". Indeed, you can play with the chorus:
Hurry up there Bauer;
The hour it is getting late;
I am the very model of;
A petty German potentate!
Or words to that effect if you please!
This will be the national anthem of the ancient and noble Duchy of Alzheim.
That's right, the National Anthem!
Madness indeed, you might say, but His Serene Highness has deemed that it is to be so, and it was only with difficulty that he was dissuaded from offering the hand of the fair princess Mathilde to the sensitive soul who sufficiently moves His Majesty.
This competition will be open until a winner is found.
Aside from the laurel of victory and the honour of becoming the Duchy of Alzheims' poet laureate, you will also win a handsome prize! Not as handsome as the Princess Mathilde, but handsome nontheless!
Marvellous, aren't they! 1/72nd Revell Austrian artillerists, freshly and pointlessly won on eBay* by yours truly. Meister Chanticleer Schwartz, you would seem well qualified in many respects to enter this competition; nonetheless, come one, come all!
*thanks to bangorstu, 100% positive feedback - quelle homme!