*Act the First*
"Bauer, stop fussing! It's only a puddle!"
"Your Majesty's shoes ARE only embroidered paste-board..."
"Don't call me that! One is enjoying a night of roisering abong thelower orders! One is incognito! Remember! tonight I am merely the simple old Fritz. Now, Browne, you go first; what about that one there? You'rethe military man - reconnoitre."
Von Browne looks dubiously at the sign above the door. The sign reads 'Scab and Piquet'. "This one?" There is quite the hubbub comingfrom within.
Bauer says: "Isn't this the one you always take us to?"
His Majestat shrugs his beefy shoulders then winces. "Damnation takethis gout! Now, are we going in or what?"
"Chacun a son gout, I suppose."
"Bauer, you speak French too! Is there no end to your accomplishments?"
Inside, the three are momentarily taken aback."Good God, they've changed the place around haven't they? Look, youcan nearly see the floor, AND there's an oompah band playing in thecorner. I love a good oompah band! Nothing like a little oompah! Eh,what! Browne, the drinks are on you. Bauer here will have a porter andI'll have... ohh, there are just so many choices. I'll have one of those estalian lagers with a slice of lemon in it. Unbelievable -who'd ever have thought you could get a beer with a lemon stuck in it?"
"Your Majesty remains as ever a paragon of taste and discernment -er, I mean, what ho old Fritzy, this porter's going down a treat, me old mucker. Hey? where's von Browne going?"
"Don't let's be TOO familiar, Bauer - Whey-hey-hey! looks like he's going to challenge those old fellows in the corner to a game of some sort."
"Whazzat Fritzy? Er, your Majesty."
"Hm. Those sour 'old Prussians' in the corner there. Look at 'em -here every night just about, swanning around in their red coats. Hob-nobbing with one of my Sergeants of the Grenadiers! Always hogging the booth in the corner. Scoffing beefsteaks. Look at 'em with their pipes (incidentally, when we get back to the palace, make a note thatI want a pipe just like that one) and their enormous steins (and one of those steins) - they probably don't like the new rushes on the floor! Ha! I like them just fine. Probably muttering in their moustaches about the oompah band, too!"
"Uh-oh. von Browne just stuck four creutzer on the table." Bauer wiggles into a more inconspicuous posture.
"Well, good. It's everyone's toy soldier table - it's there by My decree. I love those tables. I used to have one for playing football when I was just a princeling,but the handles came off. Look they even have a little woodencannonball for the grenadiers to kick around! Barkeep! Bring me wine!Bauer! He's ignoring me! I say this is a rather splendid disguise; I'll have to make you Master of My Revells!"
A loud shattering noise marks the breakdown of amity over the toy-soldier table. Cries of "Take that Jerry" and "Mein Gott, theseEnglanders fight like mad-men!" are heard.
"Your Majesty, I suggest we retire to the palace."
"A capital suggestion Bauer. You know, you really are quite theindispensable factotum."
"Why, thankyou your Majesty. Ah, shall we leave von Browne to it?"
"Well he IS a military man. He should know what to do."
*The curtain falls*